Monday, July 13, 2009

I AM the MOM

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I am the mother. At night, I dance and sing and clap and cheer at the concerts. I talk with people and I have a good time.

During the day I plan out the next day’s drive. I look a week or so in advance and arrange places to stay.

I make phone calls back to Baltimore. Checking with my friend, Karen who is handling details at my house. A radiator pipe started to drip. A contract on the house not working out. I look at the bank account and calculate how many concerts we can plan in advance. I arrange the food, fill the gas tank, anticipate the next oil change, review the weather.

It is an honor to be of service. And at the same time, I am walking a new path for myself. I am sending e-mails to authors from our book Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. I e-mail around the authors around country while I support my daughter in her dream. She is amazing! I watch her determination with the blogs and answering e-mails. It is my joy.

And everyday I ask myself, what is my purpose? Am I here only to support her dream or am I also laying a foundation for me?

There is a balancing act for most mothers. The question I have asked myself many times, "When am I me and when am I a part of "she." When am I the mother and when am I a separate person, named Andrea.

The first time I fully realized this loss of identity was when my oldest daughter was about two years old. I was sitting in the baby pool at a public pool and the mothers and fathers began to introduce themselves, sort of. The questions focused on the children. Words like, "ahhhh, she is so cute. How old is she? What's her name?" No one asked about my life, my interests, even my name!

It was okay at first. I adored her, my daughter, Mary and then Liz, Cooper and Hannah. I loved to talk about them, my bundles of joy. I still love to talk to them and about them. They are all amazing individuals. (Cooper died in 1993. A story for another day.)

As the mother, I was identified as Mary's Mom, Liz's Mom and now Hannah's Mom. No one knew my name. A N D R E A ...

So, what does this have to do with the concerts? Hannah and I lead separate but intertwined lives this summer. I am known as Hannah's Mom at the concert venue or as the mother who is traveling to 45 concerts with her daughter.

I am thrilled to support her and I am aware of the things I put aside every day. The book draft from last summer that is waiting for the submission paperwork to an editor, the six blogs in draft form that I haven't had time to finish because I am running the errands, doing the driving, coordinating the next places to stay. Paying the bills, finding the food, cleaning the car. And as thrilled as I am to support her and watch her and love her, I have moments of asking, what's in it for me? Like Kevin Costner in the Field of Dreams, I am brought to the edge every day financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I am not complaining. I am bringing into awareness the needs that must be met in some way or I will become resentful. I am aware that I love the concerts, the Jonas Brothers, Honor Society, the Wonder Girls and Jordin Sparks. I am aware that I love the journey with my daughter. I love the driving, the traveling, the listening and something is stirring in me. Words that must be written. A path that is opening for me.

In this awareness, I am sitting in a Panera Bread location in Baltimore this morning. With all of the errands that still need my attention and getting Hannah to the Honor Society Verizon event early, I am taking 30 minutes to drink a cup of coffee and write a blog for me.

I must have my own individualized expression. Sometimes the only way to get it is to decide and to commit to a time for me. I am letting go once again to trust that everything will happen today in the perfect timing.

All is well.


  1. To be honest, you and your daughter are my heroes. Traveling the country, yet still being able to bond at the same time. It's inspiring! I wish my mom was like you. If you're going to the Toronto show, please let me know. I really want to meet you and your daughter.

    - Angelica :)

  2. I seriously think you are so incredible. You being so willing to just drop everything you were doing and travel around the country with her is so inspiring to me. I hope when I have a daughter, she has a passion like Hannah does, and I hope I can do this with her. I really hope I get to meet you next Friday in Philly :)

    -Katie <3

  3. thank you so much for blogging again!Like always, I enjoyed reading!I hope all is going well!

  4. Andrea,

    Thanks for the blog today. You have a talent of expressing how so many women feel especially mom's.

    Thanks for taking us on this journey with you.


  5. Andrea, you are such a fantastic Mom. Our journey as mothers can be so confusing "where do we begin, where do my children begin, am I too close to them, too distant..." never ending, it's part of what makes us who we are.

    Hope to see you in Boston. I may have an extra parking permit for the 17th. I have sent Hannah an email but understand if she doesn't reply as she has no idea who I am.

    Susan (Mom to Vincent 11, Matthew 9 & Francesca 4)

  6. Do you read Hannah's twitter comments? Because I have to tell you, I am really disappointed in her. She has such an awesome opportunity to be an encouragement to young girls who idolize her, and yet, all she does is complain about not meeting JB or HS enough, or that HS's manager won't take a picture with her, or that she's bored, etc. How do you think young girls react reading those things? She wonders why some girls don't like her and this is exactly the reason why. People think she is so lucky and they wish they could be her, going to all these concerts. And she turns around and talks bad about the band, JB, HS, etc. That is not the kind of example I would have my daughter set for others. My daughter Kayla met Greg Garbowsky at the Provo concert and he was the sweetest person ever. She was very disappointed in Hannah's remarks about Greg on Twitter. I do support you and the reasons why you are spending the summer with Hannah and JB. But I'm very sorry for the negativity Hannah is spreading.

  7. I think you are a wonderful mom. I really wish I would have heard about you guys before the show in Minneapolis..would have loved to have met you both!!! Not sure if you have a twitter account..if you do..please add me..Wendimn or facebook is Wendi King..

  8. So grateful for your "Presence" in this world! :-)

  9. I Love Reading Your Blogs. You,Andrea And Your Daughter Hannah Are Wonderfull. You Are Such A Great Person. Even Though I Don't know You i feel like i can say that. I hope everything goes well with you and your daughter on your journey. Hope To See You All. August 13.