The Pulse of New York City

Day 59 of 100 Days of Blogging

Last night I arrived in New York City on the Peter Pan bus from Baltimore, Maryland. The bus dropped us in the underground belly of the bus station where they store the garbage bins. Getting off the bus, in the heat of the summer, I was greeted with the smell of hot, rotting garbage.

Undeterred by the smell, I spotted my burnt orange suitcase on the outside of the bus, reached through the bus passengers and grabbed the handle, engaged the wheels into action, swung into the bus station and began my search for the signs to the subway.

Riding the up escalator, I could feel my heart start to beat faster. I could feel the pulsing rhythm of the city. People scurrying towards the A, C, E, 7 subways. The 1, 2, 3, N, Q, R and the shuttle to Grand Central. I took a deep breath. Be still my heart.

New York City is like returning to a lover. The quickening pulse. The anticipation of jumping into the flow of people traffic. It takes my breath away. My entire body is tingling in anticipation. Excited. Turned On. In love.

New York, New York!

I love ALL of you! The lights, the action, the fast pace, the rhythm and flow and yes, even the moment of smelling the garbage. It is a part of any relationship. I accept all of YOU!

New York! New York!

I love you!

Alpha Chick: Andrea Hylen – Her Story of Transformation: Question 4

Day 58 of 100 Days of Blogging

Mal Duane, author of Alpha Chick interviewed 10 women for her telesummit: Awaken to the Alpha Chick: Positive Mental Shift: Living Life with Passion and Purpose.

This is an excerpt from the Blog where Mal interviewed me, asking me 4 questions. 

 (Telesummit FREE. Link to iTunes Podcast)

Question 4:

Please share a Positive Mental Shift tip that women can implement today to support them on their journey of transformation and empowerment. 

FIND SUPPORT from healthy individuals and groups.The funny thing about support is that the biggest thing most of us really need is inspiration and someone who believes in us. Someone who can mirror who we really are and remind us that each day we are getting stronger and healthier. I found support in Al-Anon and in groups of people in spiritual classes and workshops. I had amazing mentors at work and slowly but surely, I found my tribe of people.

Now, 25 years later, I see Facebook groups and Pages which is another wonderful support of inspiration.

One more thing: I know that we haven’t met in person. But, I know that if you are reading this, you are ready to wake up. And I BELIEVE in YOU!! 

To read the questions and answers to all 4 questions go to:

http://alphachick.com/guest-andrea-hylen

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the visionary and founder of Heal My Voice, a non-profit organization dedicated to empowering women to heal a story in their lives, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership at the dinner table, in their communities and in the world. She is an author, inspirational speaker and workshop leader at retreats and conferences speaking on Women’s Empowerment, Collaboration as a Business Model and Women Healing Together.  Learn more at www.healmyvoice.org

Sexuality Needs a New Metaphor

Day 57 of 100 Days of Blogging

I am exploring the topic of sexuality this year. Looking at all of the ways a disconnection from our sexuality has also shut down desire, money, pleasure and joy in women. (Realizing that anything that shuts down a woman's voice, shuts down something in men, too)

I came across this video about how the metaphor of baseball is used with sex and how it sets us all up for competition and disconnection with each other.

Al Vernacchio on this brilliant Ted Talk talks about Sex Education and how it sets us up for unhealthy sexuality.

Baseball as a metaphor:

*First base, second base
*Scoring a run
*Striking out
*Bench warmer

Sex is considered a goal oriented, competitive, male dominated "sport."

Al suggests another metaphor: PIZZA!

You have a pizza when you are hungry for pizza. It is an internal desire.

*An experience that both will share
*You talk about what you want
*What's your pleasure?

Here is the link for the Ted Talk. I encourage you to watch it. Another step to untangling unhealthy sexuality.

http://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one.html

Posts your thoughts in the comment section below

Challenging Our Comfort Zone

Day 56 of 100 Days of Blogging

You know that feeling where everything feels like it is in place?

You have the work, the relationship status, the money, the fun that all feels balanced and perfect. You are in the zone...the comfort zone.

I know who I am and I know where I'm going and it is all right here.

It feels like you have arrived and for a moment everything feels "right."And then someone or something comes along to shake it up. A desire arises in you to BE more, to DO more, to EXPLORE and to CHANGE something. There is a:

Zing of excitement
Rush of adrenaline
Yearning or longing

Something crosses your path and you have a choice to stay right where you are or step out of the comfort zone and into something that will challenge you.

You know that there will probably be:

Fear
Anxiety
Moments of uncertainty
Old messages of inadequacy

It is in this moment that you begin to decide. Am I going to stay in this life that is comfortable and predictable or am I going to challenge myself?

Right now...

I see it with my daughters
I see it with the women in Heal My Voice
I see it with the women at Chrysalis House

And I see it in my own life. We are standing on the edge and something is compelling each of us to challenge the comfort zone and learn more about who we really are.


What do YOU choose?  

Becoming An Expression of Wonder by Marijane Thompson, Guest Blogger

Day 55 of 100 days of Blogging

Guest Blogger Friday!

-->

BECOMING AN EXPRESSION OF WONDER

By Marijane Thompson

"The Universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper."
    ~ Eden Phillpotts 

     Does the ability to experience Wonder dim with age?  It does not need to.

     I spent the past week in Rhinebeck, NY with my 93 yr old mom, who still lives alone in a federally subsidized senior apartment.  My dad passed away five months after they moved there in 1992… he was 85 and thirteen years her senior.  She now has an aide to help out 2 hrs/day, 5 days/week, since her strength and mobility are steadily decreasing.  It is only a matter of time when she will press her Lifeline in the middle of the night for one reason or another, go to the hospital, and never return to her independent space.  There have been several trips so far this year, but all for something minor and she has returned within several hours.  Although her mind is relatively clear, day-to-day living is becoming harder and overwhelm can set in quite easily.

     We have been discussing her funeral plans for a while, and last week the trust was finally set up so things will go according to her wishes after she departs.  There are numerous applications (skilled nursing facilities, Medicaid) to be filled out, nurses’ assessments to be conducted, and on every visit we go through drawers and the closet to continue to lighten her life.

     Each night I am there, as I lay on the old narrow sleeper sofa, my brain attempts to relax and to temporarily release thoughts of all the tasks that need attention.  I wonder what her life has been about…. what legacy does she feel she is leaving behind?  I know that her family – mother, sisters, husband, children and grandchildren have been the joys of her life – people in general have been what is important.  She has been kind, supportive and compassionate, and loves to show people that she cares.  Last week when she was in the ER for a blood pressure issue, she asked the name of everyone who showed up to help her – and remembered them.  “Oh, your name is Agnes?  I went to school with Agnes Doyle; you don’t hear that name much today!”  And when I wheeled her out, she was elated to see Agnes to say goodbye, and it was obvious that small gesture made Agnes’ day.  Everyone enjoys her and remarks how she does not seem to portray her age.

     She tells me that she tries not to think about dying.  Some days she wishes she would pass in her sleep…. she is so weary, and still misses my dad.  Yet in the next moment, she will tell me how wonderful it felt to have her aide wash her hair, and that she is so glad her new blood pressure meds have taken away the full feeling in her head.  It is all Wonder… feeling good with the simple things.

     And that is how I want to live the rest of my life… seeing the obvious Wonder that is always there if I just look past what I think is real.  To simply embody the Wonder… to hold the feeling throughout my being and when the trials of my life want to pull me down… to take a breath – smile – and allow the Wonder to pop through into my field.  It becomes easier and easier.

     I invite you to play.  Pause several times a day to just sit or stand in the moment, and feel what is around you.  Look for the enchantment that is in plain sight… a leaf on the sidewalk in the shape of a heart; a cloud that will certainly resemble anything you can make up; a color in the window of a shop that sets your imagination reeling; a baby’s smile when you pass the stroller and look into their eyes and grin - with your heart too; a story that shows up as you see a mini-scene unfold in front of you at the mall; making believe everyone you encounter is glowing from their own inner electricity. 

    

We can all become expressions of Wonder.

          Join me.

                    The possibilities are limitless.   

                              And there is never a shortage.

-->

Marijane loves to fly kites, build fairie houses, blow bubbles – especially in crowds to pleasantly surprise people – eat organic dark chocolate, slide down rainbows, pick up pennies even if they’re not heads up… and dreams of one day living in a tree house.  She believes that life is a Magical Mystery Tour…. and the journey is certainly enchanted if we believe it is so and we stay alert to the wonder.  She loves being a joyful spark that helps people flip their creativity and lightness-of-being switches to “ON”, to help raise the vibration of the planet!  She continues to improve her blog at magicalspark.wordpress.com.

Alpha Chick: Andrea Hylen – Her Story of Transformation: Question 3

Day 54 of 100 days of Blogging

Mal Duane, author of Alpha Chick interviewed 10 women for her telesummit: Awaken the Alpha Chick within! Positive Mental Shift: Living Life with Passion and Purpose.

This is an excerpt from the Blog where Mal interviewed me, asking me 4 questions about one of my stories of transformation. 

 (Telesummit FREE. Link to iTunes Podcast)


Question 3:

After experiencing your personal wake-up call what were the most powerful steps you took to change your life?

It took me almost a year and finally I moved out of the house. Emotionally it felt like I was crawling away. To get out, I left my daughter’s behind. No support from family or friends, my husband and I verbally agreed to joint custody. I knew I needed to take the oxygen mask for myself first. To rent a house, set up the household and then resume my role as a mother. My husband manipulated the legal system and tried to prove that I was crazy.

The first few years, we were in the court systems fighting for joint custody. I learned how to use my voice to stand up for myself and my children. I took classes and learned a variety of healing modalities. Attended Insight Seminars that helped me to connect with a new community of conscious, awakening people. Organized book circles in my living room to heal emotionally with John Bradshaw’s: The Family, Julia Cameron’s: The Artist’s Way and James Redfield’s: The Celestine Prophecy. Over time the commitment I had to my own heal myself, helped to heal my daughter’s, too.

For the entire blog of questions and answers go to:

http://alphachick.com/guest-andrea-hylen

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the visionary and founder of Heal My Voice, a non-profit organization dedicated to empowering women to heal a story in their lives, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership at the dinner table, in their communities and in the world. She is an author, inspirational speaker and workshop leader at retreats and conferences speaking on Women’s Empowerment, Collaboration as a Business Model and Women Healing Together.  Learn more at www.healmyvoice.org

Receiving as a Practice: Moment by Moment

-->

Day 53 of 100 days of Blogging

My original assignment in the household was to receive for 30 days. (blogpost July 4, 2013)

For 20 days, my housemates supported me with coffee, laundry, breakfast, and house cleaning. With 10 days to go, I ended the "exercises" and prepared to leave for a three week business trip.

I reserved a seat on the shuttle to the airport. Even though one of my housemates said I could ask someone for a ride and receive, it seemed crazy to ask someone to wake up at 4am to drive me to the airport.  The shuttle was so easy. I quietly slipped out of the house without waking anyone up and felt really pleased with myself with the ease of leaving the house and arriving at the airport. Standing in line to get my boarding pass and check-in my luggage, I was smiling and singing to the canned music playing in the airport, "Girl, you're amazing, just the way you are,"  Reaching into my purse, I pulled out my wallet, and opened it to retrieve my license. 

Surprise! Shock! Disbelief! 

No Drivers License! 

I felt a wave of fight or flight confusion. Where is my license? Stunned, shocked, I remembered making a copy of my license the day before in our copy machine in the house. Two minutes of frantic searching and thinking of alternatives, I came to the realization that this was another opportunity to receive. I had to call one of my housemates to help me. To get out of a warm bed at 4:30am, to drive to the airport 20 minutes away.A short minute of resistance and then a deep "knowing" that the receiving exercises were continuing in my life.

I called Laurel first. Her phone went to voice mail immediately. Then, I called Damian. He answered the phone and agreed to come to my rescue.

I know that Damian is not an early morning person and getting up early brings out an inner grumpiness. But, 20 minutes later, there he was, at the airport, handing me my license and telling me it was okay and giving me a hug and telling me to have a safe flight and a good trip. We both survived the discomfort of asking and an "inconvenience." (Part of the exploration of receiving is to know that sometimes a request is an inconvenience that someone is going to push through and support you anyway!)

I am aware of how much the receiving has opened my heart to receive even more.  I am aware of how it has lowered my vigilance center, the part of me that is always at attention waiting to respond. I feel more in the flow of life.

I am also noticing where I still resist asking for support. Where I think I have to do it alone. Where I don't want to bother or impose on people and how that has been limiting me in all areas of my life.

And now...drum roll, please...Here is the biggest secret I have learned from receiving. 

To really connect with someone you have to be willing to receive. Giving is actually a "push out" of energy. It is a way of sending energy or love out.

Receiving is where we really let people in.

See the Canvas of Your Life from the Hilltop of Desire by Monisha Mittal, Guest Blogger

Day 52 of 100 Days of Blogging           Guest Blogger Friday on Wednesday! 
(In the flow of the feminine energy...)

See the canvas of your life from the hilltop of desire:

By Monisha Mittal, 
Founder of Your Inner Ease

There is a roar going on inside each of us to consider. It’s a roar many of us learned to tamp down, as dangerous or perhaps futile. I know firsthand that desire, particularly acting on desire, is forbidden in some cultures, even seen as a weakness, at best a frailty of a fallible human heart. Krishna played a flute and like that, our desires are a song: a direct, juicy vocalization of our divine God selves.

Right now, I am aware of the sweet energy of desire growing in my surroundings. Women of many ages in my network are experiencing it—the sweet first blush of realizing another likes you; the downright rush and excitement of courtship and feeling wooed (the butterflies of receiving texts, being noticed and wanted) followed by the deepening intoxication of growing, mutual attraction. Mmm. 

There is a vital connection between our spirituality and our desires. Here, I pull a story from my background as an example. In Hinduism, most major deities show up as masculine and feminine pairs—so that the male god is always paired with his female consort. Krishna is the only one not married to his feminine pair. In their human lives, both Radha and Krishna were each married to other people. Though their union went against all norms of family, society and even religion in those ancient times, their desires were so total and true that their union is referred to as Raas Leela, their “ love play.”  It remains a cherished story, celebrated in countless music and dance performances today. Krishna in particular incarnated as someone so at one with his Divinity that he travelled his human journey as a lover, entrancing and loving many women completely. And he was so true to his journey as a lover that he didn’t look at societal rules and boundaries. I doubt, like Jesus, he saw them let alone consider them.

Yes, our desires seem entwined with our sexuality and sensuality, yet our true passions are our God selves all lit up. There is a sweetness to them. And, using the vocabulary of one of my teachers, its important we don’t ‘qualify’ that desire. That is, imagine a blue fire burning beneath the surface. We are that surface and it’s our role to create an opening so the fire can come out. In our human form, we can tend to add our own ‘qualifications’ to it – coming to and attaching to desire from ego. But somehow, that doesn’t allow us or the flame the experience we seek from this union.

There are some powerful implications here—not only do our true passions carry the sweet signature of our Divinity but they also represent a basis for us to act from our inner authority, whether or not that conforms with societal norms. So really, our desires are a powerful and important force from this universe for each of us to consider: a call seeking a response. We must take the time to taste our desires. To connect with desire, I channeled the following exercise:

1. Notice your desire. Ask yourself: What does it look like to stand in my field of desire? What scene comes to mind? Take the time to feel every sensory experience: on your skin, through your nose. 

What do you hear, see, taste?

2. Now, connect to that desire. Step into that center. 

How does it feel to live from this place, from your desire? And what does your life look like from this hilltop? 

What came through for me is that we take part in the cosmic creation when we step into living from our desire. Walk right into the center of my desire, this meditation said, because it is your aliveness speaking to you. It is that flame of cosmic creation that caresses your naked body and elicits sighs and shudders. Take part in it with me, won't you, it asks...

 

Monisha Mittal lives in Fairfax, VA with her husband, Alan and two sweet cats. She is writing the rest of her story in an upcoming book which will be published in 2014. Monisha serves as a strong listener and advocate for the sacred in an individual's or group’s journey, integrating the emotional, mental and spiritual. Using techniques such as role playing, channeling, writing and facilitation expertise, she helps bring out the pieces on your path that want to be heard right now, in support of your larger purpose. You can visit her at, www.YourInnerEase.com or get in touch at monisha@yourinnerease.com

Committing to a Relationship with Life

Day 51 of 100 days of blogging

“Anything you really get into relationship with will reveal its secrets to you”

 ~ Nicole Daedone

You...in...relationship. Connected to everything in your life in such a way that secrets are revealed to you.

Your relationship with cooking, surfing, yoga, walking, writing, reading, men, women, money, nature, and everything in your life. 

What do you think would happen if you really committed to being in relationship with everything in your life? 

And letting go of the things you didn't want to fully commit to?

I Believe in YOU!

Day 50 of 100 Days of Blogging

 

And on the days that it seems too hard to believe in yourself...come back here and check in with us.

I BELIEVE in YOU!!

A Miracle Walk

Day 49 of 100 Days of Blogging

A "Miracle walk" is where you go out of your house or wherever you are, put your hands out, palms up and say; "Miracles, find me now." And then walk until you see or find one- or more! Be aware that miracles may be disguised or in unlikely places. Use love to recognize them. A variation is to say; "Miraculous people, find me now." Play from SARK


                                                                            **********

  

What are some of the miracles that have happened in your life recently?

Post in the comments and let's shine a light of gratitude on them.  

What is a Turned On Woman?

Day 48 of 100 Days of Blogging

It is hard to believe that only four years ago talking about grief transformation was a radical, bold conversation to have in many circles. Sharing my grieving process and releasing most of my personal belongings, selling my house and moving across the country was embraced with love, caring, confusion, pity, annoyance and gratitude. Facebook was my first outlet of sharing real emotion that led to writing blogs, 70 articles and 44 radio shows.

One of the areas of confusion for people was, "How could a 52 year old leave her community and move from Maryland to California? How could she live in youth hostels, sleep on couches, live in uncertainty like a gypsy?"  On top of that I had just finished a summer of crisscrossing the United States and Canada going to 45 Jonas Brothers concerts with my teenage daughter. Was I losing my mind in grief or was I breaking free of limitations?

My earlier path:

Homeschooling my kids. Alternative medicine to heal an autoimmune condition in the 90's. Leaving my 1st marriage. The choices I made sounded crazy to many people. Homeschooling my kids would make them social misfits. Alternative medicine would kill me. Divorce would ruin my kids lives.

None of those things came true.

Thank God I have reached a point in my life where I embrace the "crazy" because I know this IS my path. I am here to question the norm while at the same time living in it.  I see myself as an ordinary woman living an extraordinary life. Refusing to be quiet. Refusing to stay within the "normal" boundaries. Questioning, exploring, expanding to the full expression of me.

I am a Turned ON woman. 

Last spring I had an opportunity to be part of a film shoot for OneTaste, a company that teaches about female orgasm. It had been three months since I took a class called, "How to OM." I could feel the change that was happening in my life and in my body and I wanted to share the journey and give women and men the inside scoop of my experience.

Just so you know, this is vulnerable for me to talk about and I know, deep in my heart, that someone has to start and continue the conversation. And someone reading this right now wanted to hear what I had to say.

Some of the things I shared are included in this video that was just released last week.

Link to Video: http://youtu.be/anM27yRGN3w

Are you a Turned ON woman? Post more info in the comments.

Reclaiming our Sexuality

Day 47 of 100 Days of Blogging

I am on one of the most vulnerable explorations of my life. The exploration of sexuality. It is vulnerable because even using the word sexuality or orgasm in a blog or conversation brings up so many emotions and judgments.

It is one of the ways that women have been shut down. It is one of the ways that our voices have been silenced. The fear and the power connected to our sexuality.

I work with women who are healing a story, reclaiming personal power and at the core of many of our conversations is our power and our sexuality. (www.healmyvoice.org)

This is the year that I am opening the conversation, researching, exploring, talking with people and bringing the conversation about sexuality to the table.

This week in Los Angeles, Nicole Daedone, the author of Slow Sex is here to give a lecture and a live demo of Orgasmic Meditation. Located in Santa Monica.

Click Here for the Los Angeles Meetup Info 

Here is a link to a Ted Talk by Nicole Daedone.

Click Here


Quotes from the talk:

*Female orgasm is vital.

*It's not so bad for the men either. (smile)

*...and for the first time in my life, I had access to that hunger that was underneath all of my other hungers which is a fundamental hunger to connect with another human being.

*For the DSM-5, they have defined it hypo active female sexuality desire disorder. Now, I don't think it's hypo active female sexuality desire disorder but, I do think we have a pleasure deficit disorder in this country. And I don't think that it's medical, I think it's a cultural issue.

*I do think there is a cure and that the cure is orgasm. But, it's going to be a very different definition of orgasm than we know.

*It's going to be a definition of orgasm that actually works with a woman's body... We have the definition work with what the woman's body does.

*The Dalai Lama said that Western women will save the world...I think it will be TurnedOn Women around the world who will change the world.

Like Me and YOU!

Let the conversation continue to expand...

Leadership: Heal My Voice and Chrysalis House - A Pilot Project

Day 46 of 100 Days of Blogging

Pilot Project at Chrysalis House
Crownsville, Maryland

This is a fundraising request for an incredible year long pilot project. Weekly writing circles led by Beth Terrence, a holistic practitioner (http://www.bethterrence.com/). Monthly workshops led by a variety of Heal My Voice Authors including Andrea Hylen, Founder of Heal My Voice. Supporting women to heal through writing a story and reclaiming personal power to step into greater leadership.

Chrysalis House is a substance abuse treatment center for women. A unique aspect of this program is the opportunity for women to keep their children with them while in recovery. An emphasis on recovery, healing and parenting.

We have a variety of people working on grants and corporate sponsorship and crowdfunding to fund the program and the development of a workbook and training program for Chrysalis House and other substance abuse treatment centers.

The request today is to help us raise $5,000 to get started.

Take a moment to close your eyes, listen to your heart and see if you are drawn to make a donation at this time and listen for the amount of money. Also, listen within to see who you can forward this email to.

If you feel inspired to support this project with a donation, click on the Payment Link today!

Click here to go to Donation Button,

THANK YOU!

http://www.chrysalishouses.org/

We believe that women are pivotal role models in their homes, communities, and institutions. Our purpose is to support them in reclaiming their individual power and awaken leadership potential by helping them heal and reclaim inner authority and step into greater leadership.

 In Gratitude

Alpha Chick: Andrea Hylen – Her Story of Transformation: Question 2

Day 45 of 100 Days of Blogging

Mal Duane, author of Alpha Chick interviewed 10 women for her telesummit: Awaken to the Alpha Chick: Positive Mental Shift: Living Life with Passion and Purpose.

This is an excerpt from the Blog where Mal interviewed me, asking me 5 questions. 

 (Telesummit FREE. Link to iTunes Podcast)


Question 2:

Describe the transformational moment or wake-up call when you realized that life change was necessary? For many, it’s a spiritual awakening, an emotional downfall, or a life-altering experience that shakes us awake. 

There were two pivotal moments that were wake-up calls. The first was late one night, sitting in the kitchen cross stitching ornaments for Christmas presents. Surviving on only three to four hours of sleep each night, I had a moment of paralysis. My legs and feet were frozen in place. I couldn’t move. I cried out for my husband to help me. With his assistance, I was slowly able to shuffle into the bedroom. Crying myself to sleep that night, I kept repeating inwardly to myself, tomorrow is Al-Anon. I just have to make it to the Al-Anon meeting. Pushing myself to be the perfect mother, wife, employee, including making handmade ornaments had driven me to the beginning of a nervous breakdown.

The second was seeing a look in my two year old daughters eyes, the daughter who was calling me to “get it together.” I was arguing with her father when I heard a voice in my head say, “This is not the role model I came to be for my children.” I made the decision that I would leave the marriage for the sake of my daughters.

To read the answers to all 5 questions, go to:

http://alphachick.com/guest-andrea-hylen



Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the visionary and founder of Heal My Voice, a non-profit organization dedicated to empowering women to heal a story in their lives, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership at the dinner table, in their communities and in the world. She is an author, inspirational speaker and workshop leader at retreats and conferences speaking on Women’s Empowerment, Collaboration as a Business Model and Women Healing Together.  Learn more at www.healmyvoice.org

Following Our Desires

Day 44 of 100 Days of Blogging

Desire:

v.

1. To wish or long for; want.

2. To express a wish for; request.

 

n.

1. A wish or longing.

2. A request or petition.

3. The object of longing.

4. Sexual appetite; passion.

 

I am exploring the word and experience of desire.  

 

My Daily Questions:

What do I want to experience today?

 

Time to write and to be by myself. 

To connect with my Housemates.

To participate in the women's circle at our house tonight.

To spend time getting organized for the week.

 

What do I desire?

 

To recharge. To ignite. To connect. To feel.  To love. To touch.

What do you desire?

Post in the comments and share with us.

Week 2: Receiving from the Men

Day 43 of 100 Days of Blogging

"Men love to do. Women love to be done for. A man rises to his highest self, the lust of being in his function when he is doing for a woman who is able to receive."

~Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex

I had an opportunity to stretch my receiving muscle again yesterday. All of the women in the house were either out of town or at work and I was at home with the men. The thought of being dependent on the men for the day put me in a state of internal discomfort. Feelings of old patterning around men not being capable of showing up for me. No place to lean in to. I'm too much. My requests are too demanding. But, these men have all agreed to support me in the practice of receiving. Three amazing, open-hearted, powerful, kind men.

First there was the issue of breakfast. Someone in the house has been making my breakfast every morning for the last eight days.With Laurel and Rachelle out of town, I wondered who I would ask. As I was sitting at the kitchen island thinking about how I would really like eggs and toast, Andreas called out to me from behind. He was standing by the refrigerator with eggs and bread, asking me if I would like to have him make me breakfast. Yes! My solar plexus did a flip flop. Being seen. He remembered that I needed someone to make breakfast and he took the initiative. He cooked for all of us and it was sexy and fun and connected! There was music in the background and conversation and fun. The food was great! He even buttered my toast.

Second, all of the men have agreed to support me in something every day that is a connection. They take the initiative and we work it into our schedule. Yesterday there was a preparation in the house for a community party. I found a few ways to participate by finding the tablecloth for the folding table and carrying chairs in from the garage. No housework allowed so I was just hanging out.

Jason was busy cooking and it looked like he was too busy to take time to connect with me. He said, "Are you ready?" I responded with a you don't have time for this.

His response, "I am going to make time for you." Boom! Right to my heart. Stop everything to keep a commitment to ME! We walked away and he helped me for 20 minutes while several of our guests and Allegra were left running the kitchen.


The stretch for today: I surrendered and asked someone to help with my laundry. This was huge. The vulnerability of someone, especially a man doing my laundry, seeing my old underwear, hanging my bra to dry is something I have never experienced. In my two marriages which totaled over 25 years of monogamy, there was never a man who did my laundry.

This experience is shifting something in me. I can feel my heart opening and my ability to connect and receive is increasing. Even when there is inconvenience or someone is rushed, if they are making an effort or making the commitment important, I am staying open to receive. 

Letting go of controlling how the giving shows up. And most of the time, I am surprised at how it shows up with so much love and kindness and generosity.

Taking Care by Karen Porter, Guest Blogger

Day 42 of 100 Days of Blogging

Guest Blogger Friday!!

Taking Care By Karen Porter

I do not like the phrase ‘Take care’. It brings to mind snappy orders to do this or that, “Take care of it!” I have a charge with the word ‘take.’ If I have to take something, it is not mine.  I do not possess it nor do I deserve it, for if I did, I would have it.

 How is that for backwards parochial school instilled, unquestioned beliefs?

Even though I feel a bit prickly with the words, I am at home with the action. I do take care. I take care of a family, a home (if you overlook dust and a few cobwebs), and I am taking better care of myself in the past several months than I ever have. I have also been a caretaker.

In 2000, my mother began a two year journey with breast cancer. I was chemo buddy for my sister during her stage 4 breast cancer process (she will be three years post surgery in September). My aunt died from a brain tumor two years ago. Her process from first symptom to death was nine weeks. My father passed away two months ago after willing himself to die for the eleven years following my mother’s passing. It was eleven very long years.

In other areas of life, I am a caretaker. I make Christmas happen for my family and my husband’s family. I distribute family photos, keepsakes, recipes. I keep traditions going and encourage new ones to begin. Because I witnessed the conditions of my sons’ orphanages, for twenty years I raised money and sent relief supplies to many institutions in the former Soviet Union.

Most of this I did without considering how to take care of myself. I was hard-pressed to identify any activity or thing that I wanted or that would make me happy. My focus was on others. That’s what I was taught to do. Haven’t you heard the “Joy” acronym? Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last of all. GRRRR. How ass-backwards is that?

How many things do we tell ourselves that we would never think of uttering to a stranger? How unkindly do we judge ourselves while we are sympathetic and understanding of the struggles and frailties of our friends? I had to consciously cut myself slack and practice being gentle with myself. That was the beginning of taking care of me.  

I learned to celebrate what is. I did not lose as much weight as I wanted to lose this past year. Guess what. I maintained what I had lost and did not gain any of the weight back. I am eating healthfully and I feel better. I addressed the medical issues that came up and have made life changes to support my health and well-being.

One month ago, my dear sister-in-law, Peggy, was diagnosed with leukemia, AML, and admitted to Johns Hopkins Hospital. The prognosis is poor. Chemo has damaged her kidneys. Her heart rhythm is affected by one of the drugs. After two rounds of chemo, there is still 10% leukemia in her bone marrow (the goal is 0% and no bone marrow transplant will be considered with higher than 5%). She has bad days and better days. I have been spending time with her during procedures and just to sit and talk. She has been told that she could be in the hospital for three months. She may never leave the hospital.

This week, my family leaves for a dream vacation. My in-laws are taking the entire family, their four children and each of their families on a cruise. We are going early to have a week before the cruise. We found a five bedroom villa and plan to relax, enjoy, eat, write, and sightsee or not. My brother and sister in law had been invited. Experiencing life in Europe is on Peggy’s bucket list. I told her, next summer, just pick the country, Italy or France and I’ll find a rental and it will happen.

I am torn about leaving. How can I go and have fun, keep living my life and enjoying it while we don’t know what will be happening in Baltimore? Our staying here will not affect treatment or outcome. I know that. So, what I plan to do is take my flip cam and post a video blog for Peggy. I’ll record ladies at the market yelling at me to stop taking their pictures. I’ll shoot the steep steps leading up to a mountaintop ruin and then ask into the camera, “Do I LOOK like a mountain goat?”  

There is so little good news, uplifting activities, laughter. I try to make our time together light. I read “Murder in the Dog Park,” loved it and passed it on. Peggy really liked it so I suggested Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series for her daughters to bring in. I see the video diary as a way to connect and engage and visit while we are away.

So even though I don’t like the term, I do continue to take care of myself and others. Maybe if I shift from taking care being something I do to how I am, take it from doing to being, it could feel different. As part of my nature, I care for myself and I care for others. I used to say that taking care of myself wasn’t even on my ‘to do’ list. Now that self care is a more established way of living, naturally a part of my day, I have stopped seeing it as a chore. That is progress. It feels different and better.

I don’t have to take care.

I am care.

I give care.

I receive care.

Care is: Caring. Care on. 

*Interesting that the town we are going to is Caramany. 

Karen Porter is the President of the Board of Directors for Heal My Voice. www.healmyvoice.org

Receiving: Week 1 of a New Practice

Day 41 of 100 Days of Blogging

I am practicing receiving and all of my housemates are participating in various ways. (see blog from July 4, 2013)

*No housework.
*No laundry. (I have to ask someone in the house to do my laundry)
*My breakfast is prepared for me.
*5am coffee. Someone is getting up every morning to make my coffee.

                                                                   *****

Today was the 8th day of receiving coffee from my housemates. Five people have awakened at 5am to make my coffee and SERVE it to me while I am preparing for the Sacred Sanctuary Writing Space for Heal My Voice writers and authors.

Each experience of receiving has been completely different.

Day 1 Allegra. She came out of her room like a focused bolt of lightning. This was her purpose. She and I were Buddhist Monks. We were each here serving God. Her morning job was coffee. My job was to prepare for the meditation. I opened my heart to receive. There was a sacredness to our exchange.

Day 2. Laurel. I felt guilty and embarrassed. Laurel had prepared an evening of food and games the night before. I was not feeling well and went to bed without any explanation. So, here she was getting up after four hours of sleep to serve me coffee. She was kind, sleepily focused and checked to see if I needed anything else. (The discomfort was in me and I refrained from saying anything about the night before. Focus on receiving no matter what my actions were.)

Day 3. Damian. We had a 2 hour conversation the night before about why I have trouble receiving. It came down to not wanting to inconvenience people and feeling like I have to give 10 times before I can ask for or receive one thing from anyone. Self-sacrifice is at a deep level.

When I asked him what the experience was for him; getting up on a Sunday morning, the only day he could sleep in and serving me coffee at 5am, he paused...a long pause. He said, "What if I told you it was an inconvenience but I was going to do it anyway." I started to laugh out loud. Uncontrollable, side splitting, belly laugh. Waves and waves of this!

What a concept! That in relationships, we do things that are inconvenient because we value and care about the person and we do things to support them. This was a practice in receiving! To receive even though I knew that this was inconveniencing the other person.

Damian set his alarm. Prepared the coffee and then checked with me on two details, whispering the questions to me as if any question would disturb my process of preparing for the Sacred Sanctuary Space. He wanted to make sure he had the coffee and the proportion of cream just right.

Day 4. Andreas. I already had a story made up that he was too busy, that he would forget, that he had a meeting that lasted until midnight and wouldn't be able to get up. He was also the only person who didn't mention the coffee to me yesterday. He had the coffeepot prepared so he could push the button and focus on me. He came into the dining room to give me a hug and ask me how I was doing. He served me coffee in my favorite mug and brought water in my favorite cup. Attention to detail and focused on me.

Day 5 Andreas. No coffee. He came down at 6:15am, apologized and let me know that he overslept. When he didn't arrive, to make the coffee, I decided that I could make up a variety of stories about why he was not making my coffee.  I observed the thoughts then moved into making my own coffee. The coffeepot was already set up and all I had to do was push the button and the coffee was made. 

I connected with the feelings. Coffee. Not so many feelings. Reflecting on it as an exercise. Other things...If I was relying on him to take me to the airport, I would have knocked on his door to wake him up. And there were other things where I would have felt abandoned, unsupported, unseen. It doesn't feel good. I can see where I have limited myself from receiving because I don't want to be disappointed. I lower my expectations. I stop asking.

The other thing is how powerful my mind and expectations were. Why didn't I think he would show up for me?  And then, there it was...I co-created this experience with him.

Day 6 Rachelle. Her energy was happy and sparkly and serving me coffee seemed to fill her with joy and purpose. In a conversation several days earlier after Damian and I talked about inconvenience, she shared that getting up at 5am right now was an inconvenience. We both laughed and knew that we were going to practice this together anyway; to see what happened.

Today, I saw no evidence of inconvenience. If anything she was so filled with joy, she appeared to be floating from the kitchen out to the back patio where I was leading an early morning coaching call before the Sacred Sanctuary Space.

Day 7 Laurel. She is the person who has been making my breakfast almost every morning. It is easy to receive from her because her heart is so open and full and generous. She was up early getting ready to go to Oregon for a family visit and made and served me my coffee.

Day 8 Allegra She is going to be out of the country for a few weeks so she volunteered to make my coffee on the last day of the Sacred Sanctuary Space. It seemed so natural for both of us to be awake. Allegra and Laurel came up with the original schedule and posted it on the board. Taking charge from the very beginning of the Practice. Easy flow of giving and receiving.

So, what have I learned so far with receiving?

Giving and Receiving is an exchange between two people. The giver has the choice on how to give. The receiver has the choice on how to receive. The exchange can have a variety of feelings and it can be graceful, inconvenient, joy-filled and more.

It is up to us whether we allow ourselves to participate in the exchange.

Even when we feel inconvenienced, we can show up with love in our hearts. Even when someone is telling you they are inconvenienced you can receive with love in your heart. Shutting down receiving creates a disconnect from a flow in every part of your life. Love, money, sex, inspiration, and connection.

And the journey continues...

If You Were Born a Woman How Would You Be Different?

Day 40 of 100 Days of Blogging

A 3 minute video has gone viral. An interview with Dustin Hoffman about his role in the film Tootsie and a realization that came to him when he saw the woman he became on the screen.

His words:

"There's too many interesting women I have not had the experience to know in this life because I have been brainwashed."

Powerful to watch the awareness that he had. Take a few minutes to watch the video.

A short video of Dustin Hoffman

A Journey with Leadership: Part 1

Day 39 of 100 Days of Blogging

Do you see yourself as a LEADER?

In my experience, we are all leaders. Individually we are the leaders of our lives and we all have the power to influence each other with our choices in life. All leadership.

Reflecting on leadership in the next Heal My Voice project: Voices of Feminine Leadership, I remembered a palpable moment of when I moved from one style of leadership to another.

It was 1974.  I was in the 11th grade at Phoenixville Area High School and I was chosen as the captain of the show flags in the marching band.

Right before our last parade of the season and before the band camp where I would receive some guidance about show flag routines, the current captain had a family emergency and was not available to lead us in a local parade. I was thrust into leadership with no idea what I was doing! My first thought was to lead like a man using the stereotype of a platoon sergeant in the Army. I yelled at the 12 girls to straighten up, to present their flags with more precision. Stand tall. Straighten up. Sharper moves. Get in line. I was yelling the orders out and I was exhausted by the end of the parade. It wasn’t fun at all. I can remember feeling defeated and unsure of myself wondering why I had been chosen to do this.

At the summer band camp training, I had so much fun learning new routines and marching all day for a week. When our high school band camp started the week before school, I was eager to share the fun with the girls. While the other marching band groups: batons, rifles, and musicians were practicing in their separate groups, I decided to try another approach. Instead of focusing on precision and marching in straight lines, I told them I wanted to share new routines that I learned at the training camp. I focused on having fun, connecting the girls with each other, asking for their ideas.

In the afternoon when all of the groups came together to learn the choreographed moves we would do at every football game intermission that fall season and in competitions with other marching bands, we worked as a team. The show flag girls were connected and focused and filled up from all of the fun in the morning.

It was the first time I could feel the power of working as a team and leading in a way that invited every voice into the circle. Valuing each young woman's voice and encouraging cooperation, teamwork and collaboration.

In the comments, share your journey with leadership.