Thursday, July 25, 2013

Receiving as a Practice: Moment by Moment

Day 53 of 100 days of Blogging

My original assignment in the household was to receive for 30 days. (blogpost July 4, 2013)

For 20 days, my housemates supported me with coffee, laundry, breakfast, and house cleaning. With 10 days to go, I ended the "exercises" and prepared to leave for a three week business trip.
I reserved a seat on the shuttle to the airport. Even though one of my housemates said I could ask someone for a ride and receive, it seemed crazy to ask someone to wake up at 4am to drive me to the airport.  The shuttle was so easy. I quietly slipped out of the house without waking anyone up and felt really pleased with myself with the ease of leaving the house and arriving at the airport. Standing in line to get my boarding pass and check-in my luggage, I was smiling and singing to the canned music playing in the airport, "Girl, you're amazing, just the way you are,"  Reaching into my purse, I pulled out my wallet, and opened it to retrieve my license. 

Surprise! Shock! Disbelief! 

No Drivers License! 

I felt a wave of fight or flight confusion. Where is my license? Stunned, shocked, I remembered making a copy of my license the day before in our copy machine in the house. Two minutes of frantic searching and thinking of alternatives, I came to the realization that this was another opportunity to receive. I had to call one of my housemates to help me. To get out of a warm bed at 4:30am, to drive to the airport 20 minutes away.A short minute of resistance and then a deep "knowing" that the receiving exercises were continuing in my life.

I called Laurel first. Her phone went to voice mail immediately. Then, I called Damian. He answered the phone and agreed to come to my rescue.

I know that Damian is not an early morning person and getting up early brings out an inner grumpiness. But, 20 minutes later, there he was, at the airport, handing me my license and telling me it was okay and giving me a hug and telling me to have a safe flight and a good trip. We both survived the discomfort of asking and an "inconvenience." (Part of the exploration of receiving is to know that sometimes a request is an inconvenience that someone is going to push through and support you anyway!)

I am aware of how much the receiving has opened my heart to receive even more.  I am aware of how it has lowered my vigilance center, the part of me that is always at attention waiting to respond. I feel more in the flow of life.

I am also noticing where I still resist asking for support. Where I think I have to do it alone. Where I don't want to bother or impose on people and how that has been limiting me in all areas of my life.

And now...drum roll, please...Here is the biggest secret I have learned from receiving. 

To really connect with someone you have to be willing to receive. Giving is actually a "push out" of energy. It is a way of sending energy or love out.

Receiving is where we really let people in.

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