Day 81 of 100 Days of Blogging
Ugh! Here it comes again.
Someone confronting me about my disconnection from anger.
One of my housemates talked about how solid my heart is and how he can feel me but there is something underneath that I am not expressing. He called it anger.
I find myself wanting to "do" something with that and yet, I am afraid of it. It feels too big. It feels like I will destroy someone or something. It feels like no one can handle my anger. It feels like anger hurts people and there is no recovery.
This morning Erik talked about how disconnecting from my anger, disconnects me from people. It shuts down the dark side of me.
I feel safe with Erik and I feel like I can sink in to explore this. He is encouraging people in the house to look for moments when they sense I am angry and to do things to pull that out of me.
This is so freakin' scary! What if they stop speaking to me? What if they don't like me? What if they kick me out of the house? What if, what if, what if?
This is fresh and raw and vulnerable and unfiltered and unprocessed. It feels messy and good.
What?!?!?!?
Did I just write good?
Okay, I'm diving in. Let's see where this goes.
I know one thing...it is connected to my power and keeping a lid on anger is limiting my power.
What is your current relationship to anger?
Post in the comments and let's get this party started.
Ugh! Here it comes again.
Someone confronting me about my disconnection from anger.
One of my housemates talked about how solid my heart is and how he can feel me but there is something underneath that I am not expressing. He called it anger.
I find myself wanting to "do" something with that and yet, I am afraid of it. It feels too big. It feels like I will destroy someone or something. It feels like no one can handle my anger. It feels like anger hurts people and there is no recovery.
This morning Erik talked about how disconnecting from my anger, disconnects me from people. It shuts down the dark side of me.
I feel safe with Erik and I feel like I can sink in to explore this. He is encouraging people in the house to look for moments when they sense I am angry and to do things to pull that out of me.
This is so freakin' scary! What if they stop speaking to me? What if they don't like me? What if they kick me out of the house? What if, what if, what if?
This is fresh and raw and vulnerable and unfiltered and unprocessed. It feels messy and good.
What?!?!?!?
Did I just write good?
Okay, I'm diving in. Let's see where this goes.
I know one thing...it is connected to my power and keeping a lid on anger is limiting my power.
What is your current relationship to anger?
Post in the comments and let's get this party started.
THE PARTY STARTED...
ReplyDeleteANDREA, YOU SAID, "I find myself wanting to "do" something with that and yet, I am afraid of it. It feels too big. It feels like I will destroy someone or something. It feels like no one can handle my anger. It feels like anger hurts people and there is no recovery."
ANDREA...WHEN I READ THE ABOVE, HERE'S WHAT I HEAR, WHICH I SURMISE IS MY PROJECTION, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH TO YOU: Andrea wants to "do something" so she can avoid feeling. It is VERY BIG to give herself permission to express anger. She doesn't believe she can handle her anger, doesn't believe she can hold it in her hands, look at it, throw it against the walls, shatter it in glasses pitched onto the floor, watch it be absorbed into the spit that comes out of her mouth while the cuss words come flying off of her wet tongue from between her jaws that have been aching for years from clenching them so damn tightly! Andrea isn't afraid of destroying someone if she lets it out. Andrea is scared to death of how it will feel when the power of her anger erupts through her skull and spews out blowing off the top of her head, like a volcanic geyser!! Andrea isn't really afraid of her anger hurting others and being asked to leave. Andrea is terrified that if she lets go of her anger that she will go with it and not know how to return again to any semblance of calm. She's afraid she'll go crazy and never come back!
ANDREA, YOU SAID, "This is so freakin' scary! What if they stop speaking to me? What if they don't like me? What if they kick me out of the house? What if, what if, what if?"
MORE OF MY PROJECTION: WHO IS THE THEY WHO WILL STOP SPEAKING TO YOU, LIKING YOU, KICKING YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE? AND WHAT IF THEY DO ALL THOSE THINGS? SO WHAT?!!! SO FREAKIN' WHAT?!!! ANDREA, WHAT IF THEY DON'T? WHAT IF THEY WON'T?
ANDREA, WHAT IF ALL THAT'S NEEDED IS FOR YOU TO FEEL THE ANGER? JUST FEEL IT AND DO NOTHING MORE THAN STAY WITH THE FEELINGS...AND STAY WITH THEM...AND STAY WITH THEM???
Once upon a time there was a girl named Angry...
XOXO Jacke
Thanks Jacke! It came at the end of a week of adjusting to change in the house and it was time to say no more! Although the word anger is a trigger for me, this had more to do with claiming my personal power and claiming space and opening my voice. A few days later I climbed in bed with one of my female roommates and she commented on the buzzing in my body. She felt the opening of my power center!
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