Day 63 of 100 days of Blogging
I discovered some words today that I wrote in the fall of 2010. I was living in California and I was in a deep period of questioning, listening, exploring my inner knowing. I share them with you here as I am in that deep inquiry again.
November 2010:
I have an inner guidance system that tells me one thing when words and actions of people around me sometimes tell me something else.
My question to a friend, “Why are you sad?” She says, “I’m not sad.” Inwardly I feel myself contract in confusion. My thoughts: If you are not sad, why do I feel sadness from you? Why do I see sadness on your face? Why are your eyes filling with tears when I ask the question? As she
continues to deny the sadness, I question my "inner knowing." The questioning began in childhood when I felt things that other people didn't feel or didn't admit that they felt.
Reading the book, The Way of the Wizard by Deepak Chopra, there was a section about the thought we are born with.
This is what I want. I am hungry. I want to be held. I want my diaper changed. I want to sleep and so on. During our childhood when we are taught to suppress or deny this natural way of being, the statement becomes a question.
We question our desire and our inner knowing of what we need, want and desire.
The question becomes: Is it all right if I want this?
We begin to doubt, fear, and lose the connection to our inner guidance. We are not taught how to navigate the natural response we are born with. As you get older, you can’t really stand in line in the grocery store and start crying loudly to be fed. But, you can learn to acknowledge the need and make a plan to meet your needs. You can honor the connection, the guidance and make a plan.
In California this year (2010) I have created space to listen to my voice again. I have given my 17 year old daughter the same courtesy. We are individually repairing our inner guidance systems.
Nurturing, exploring, allowing, trusting, loving, waiting, moving into action… A stronger connection and a new relationship with inner guidance. Like an exercise plan for my body, I am making this a priority.
I am listening.
2013 Addendum: I am listening deeply again.
How about you?
November 2010:
I have an inner guidance system that tells me one thing when words and actions of people around me sometimes tell me something else.
My question to a friend, “Why are you sad?” She says, “I’m not sad.” Inwardly I feel myself contract in confusion. My thoughts: If you are not sad, why do I feel sadness from you? Why do I see sadness on your face? Why are your eyes filling with tears when I ask the question? As she
continues to deny the sadness, I question my "inner knowing." The questioning began in childhood when I felt things that other people didn't feel or didn't admit that they felt.
Reading the book, The Way of the Wizard by Deepak Chopra, there was a section about the thought we are born with.
This is what I want. I am hungry. I want to be held. I want my diaper changed. I want to sleep and so on. During our childhood when we are taught to suppress or deny this natural way of being, the statement becomes a question.
We question our desire and our inner knowing of what we need, want and desire.
The question becomes: Is it all right if I want this?
We begin to doubt, fear, and lose the connection to our inner guidance. We are not taught how to navigate the natural response we are born with. As you get older, you can’t really stand in line in the grocery store and start crying loudly to be fed. But, you can learn to acknowledge the need and make a plan to meet your needs. You can honor the connection, the guidance and make a plan.
In California this year (2010) I have created space to listen to my voice again. I have given my 17 year old daughter the same courtesy. We are individually repairing our inner guidance systems.
Nurturing, exploring, allowing, trusting, loving, waiting, moving into action… A stronger connection and a new relationship with inner guidance. Like an exercise plan for my body, I am making this a priority.
I am listening.
2013 Addendum: I am listening deeply again.
How about you?
I think one reason we deny what we feel is fear of what other people will think - fear of what they will think of us, their judgments, being at odds with what they think we should do. We can upset applecarts if we listen to what is best for us. Ironically, we all likely want this freedom deep inside, and yet we at times we are "guilty" of doing to others what they do unto us. And, then too, are the times we are so well conditioned to do it to ourselves before anyone else even gets the chance. Thanks for sharing Andrea. Reminders like this are good to have.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Andrea. I have found it definitely requires a plan, practice and commitment to connect with and develop my inner guidance system. I resonate so much with the shutting down of that as a child becoming disconnected from that inner voice for so long. It is a great learning to open to those parts of ourselves which need nurturing and healing; it is through them we can access our strengths, gifts and inner wisdom. Today, I am taking some time to be still and listen and also, to let the words flow through my writing. Thanks for the wonderful inspiration.
ReplyDelete