Tell Me a Secret...

Day 97 of 100 days of Blogging

Last spring, I was with a group of 100 people at a social event at the Hotel W in Hollywood. After everyone arrived, we broke into small groups of five and went out into the streets of Hollywood with a scavenger list of activities.

One of the "tasks" was to ask three people to tell you a secret. It was fun to see the different reactions on each person's face from excitement to confusion as they shared a variety of secrets.

I approached a man, who looked like he was in his 30's, standing in line to get into a club and asked him the question: Tell me a secret.

He looked around at the other people and looked at me asking if I was serious. I shared the details of our group activity and asked him again to Tell me a Secret.

He paused for a moment and then leaned towards my ear as he whispered, "I do yoga." I was confused. "Is that a secret?" I asked him. He looked around to see if anyone was listening. "Yes. My friends would make fun of me, if they knew." It really hit me in that moment how much we hide from each other and how it actually disconnects us from ourselves.

How many of us have secrets that we think we can't share with the people who are closest to us? And what does that do to hold us back from speaking our deepest desires and connecting with each other. How does that stop us from living our fullest expression.

Today! Let's connect!

In the comments section, post a secret desire.

Let's see and feel each other.

A Little Dream Comes True

Day 96 of 100 Days of Blogging

When I was growing up, I had the wish that I would have an older brother and sister. My older brother would get me dates and my sister would advise me. When I first had this desire, I was 13 years old, the oldest child with a sister two years younger than me and a brother who was seven years younger.

In that wish, there was an underlying desire to have older siblings who would help me to navigate life. I was so confused about how to fit in and where I belonged and how to dress and how to make new friends in my new school at a time when I felt so awkward.

Today I had an unexpected moment of having an experience of having an older brother. Somehow in this experience, it felt like everything was right with the world.

I asked one of my housemates, Erik, to get my bike down from the ceiling chains in the garage. He decided to ride his bike to the beach, too. The whole time we were riding I felt like I was his little sister. We didn't plan it. It just happened that the organic interaction between us brought up these feelings.

He carried the bikes out to the driveway and then lifted my bike into the air and over the car that was parked in the driveway and onto the sidewalk. He told me to go first as we headed down the street. As we approached Venice Boulevard, a busy street he told me when to cross the street and showed me where to stay on the bike path between cars . He followed me for one block then told me he was going to ride fast to the stop light. When he got there, he waited for me. During the 2 mile ride to the beach, he wove back and forth speeding up and slowing down and turning his head back to check on me.

At the beach there was no direct entrance onto the bike path. Erik rode up a grassy path, over a hill, through a mud ravine to the bike path and I followed him, the way a little sister who wants to keep up and be included would do. With a full water bottle, a heavy bike lock and a blanket in my basket, I couldn't make the sharp turn onto the path. I wiped out on the sand and fell landing on my thumb. I could feel the pulsing of a sprain. Still shaky I climbed back on the bike and peddled fast to catch up. I took the lead and wove around two tight curves. With an encouraging tone, he said, "That was so great! You made it around the tight curves." Big brother words of encouragement after the spill.

We rode on the path for awhile and then parted to run errands and do the activities we each wanted to do at the beach.

In that moment, I felt warm and tingly and happy. I had my big brother~little sister moment.

A Little Dream Came True...

Fearless Voices Introduction by Andrea Hylen

Day 95 of 100 days of Blogging

Heal My Voice is an organization committed to empowering women to heal a story in their life, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership at the dinner table, in their communities and in the world.

Fearless Voices is the first book in a series of three books published in 2012 and 2013.

Introduction by Andrea Hylen, Founder of Heal My Voice (March 2012)

During the last nine months, twenty-two women gathered in a circle in the form of a secret Facebook group, with weekly phone calls, and in-person gatherings. The focus of our connection was to write a story that would heal an experience in our lives.

In the writing, the gentle reading and editing, the listening and support, using vulnerability as power, our voices emerged clearer and stronger. 

Writing. 

          Speaking. 

                    Leadership.

There are a lot of details I could write about our time together and I am on a mission. I don’t have a lot of time to bring you into the story. So, I am going to get right to the point.

Women are only using a small percentage of their voices. 

I don’t have any scientific proof like the studies that have been conducted on the brain. You know the studies, the ones that say we are only using a small percentage of our brains?

I will venture to say that women are only using a small percentage of their voices; a small percentage of their infinite potential; a small percentage of their unique, beautiful gifts and wisdom. My proof comes from being a woman, working with women, gathering in community with women, raising three daughters, volunteering as a Girl Scout Leader and a Destination Imagination Coach and witnessing women in all areas of my life.

I have witnessed their brilliance, their hearts and seen how powerful they are when no one is looking, when no one can see, when no one can hurt them and when someone believes in them. I have seen them stand up for other people but rarely for themselves.

Here is what I have also seen:

We apologize when we have done nothing wrong. We are afraid to ask for what we want. We are afraid to take up too much space. We think that other people have the answers for how we should live our lives. We hold on too tight. We give up too easily. We call each other names, put each other down, gossip instead of having direct, honest conversations. We whine, use passive-aggressive behavior, we learn to manipulate, back stab and hide as we go around the back door to try to get what we want. 

It is time for that to change and many of us have made the choice to do that. We are courageous. We are fearless. We are healing an old story and we are practicing with our newly discovered voices until it becomes a natural way of living, of speaking, of honoring our words, our wisdom and acknowledging and celebrating each other.

It is time for women to heal their voices in communities where they can practice, feel safe, be seen and heard and heal from the wounds from trauma, loss, grief and abuse. And from that newly healed, grounded place, we are learning to fully express who we really are.

In the Heal My Voice book circles and letter writing projects, we believe healing an old story leads women to a richer expression of their unique gifts and leadership and gives them more access to the full expression of their voice. 

When a woman is nurtured in community and given a space to speak about what she feels, thinks and wants, she heals her voice and begins to speak from a place of wisdom. She learns to listen to her inner guidance. She asks for support when she needs it. She taps into her vulnerability and uses it as power. She discovers her innate wisdom.

Why does it matter now?

Things are rapidly changing in the world. We are in a time of breakdown. The old structures are crumbling. And we have the chance to rebuild, rethink, and release things that no longer work. Women standing together and standing side by side with men is what is needed. We need the full expression of who we are. Connected to our hearts; Listening to and acting from inspiration; Joining together to lift humanity. We can’t heal the planet when we ourselves are emotionally and spiritually wounded. 

The mission is to empower a community of women who heal a story in their lives, reconnect with their inner authority, and discover the next steps in leadership. Women in community expressing vulnerability, supporting each other, encouraging, laughing, connecting, collaborating and celebrating life.

As Marianne Williamson wrote in, “A Return to Love:”

“Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

We are no longer just saying the words. We have gathered in community, healing our voices, giving each other permission and liberating each other. We are living this now.

This is the first of a series of books that are being created in communities of women around the world. This is a series of Voices individually and collectively breaking through into new territory and a new world.

We begin with Fearless Voices. We are ready now.

Book of stories is available on Amazon:

 http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Voices-Stories-Courageous-Volume/dp/061560725X/

Intimacy and Vulnerability and Going to the Dentist

Day 94 of 100 days of Blogging

I am leaning in and posting this as a blog because I refuse to run away and hide.

I spent a few hours chatting on FB the other day with a FB friend who I recently met in person. We were talking about desire, sharing some of our stories, becoming more  and intimacies.

He wrote, "Can I ask you an intimacy?" I said, "Yes." He said, "What about your teeth?"

I am so grateful for the gentle way the intimacy was delivered. I am so grateful for all of the feelings and emotions that have come up and for the action that it inspired me to take.

Up until 4 years ago, I regularly went to the dentist. My teeth have always been a weak area in my body system and during my 4 pregnancies and the 19 months of my son's birth and death, I always lost one or two teeth. In 2009, I was having some major restoration work done and then someone's bankruptcy that year wiped out $200,000 which was all of my money. All dental care stopped and I just learned to deal with the unfinished work and missing teeth.

I am just getting back on my feet financially this year. Two weeks ago, one of my housemates and I were talking about finding a dentist and I was still procrastinating. Then, I cracked a tooth and I have been self-conscious about it. Getting my teeth fixed is one of the things on my desire list for this year. It has been an example of where I put my own self care last and this is the year I am changing that.
The feelings that came up in the intimacy are intermixed with shame and compassion. My mind is like a wild animal with it sometimes. I feel a wave of shame and I think “I can’t see him again until all of the work is done on my teeth. Until I fix them all."

And so I have decided to do the thing that I know is the stretch, the through line, the way to change. I am posting it publicly. I am saying it out loud. I am going to start smiling the way I used to and love myself in the process while I am still getting my teeth repaired.

The day after the intimacy was delivered, I found a dentist. I have already had my teeth cleaned and scheduled an appt in October to get the first tooth fixed. My goal is to get something repaired every month and within a year have all of the restoration work complete.

Boom! Take that shame! Throwing you out the door and living life as I am today.

Thank you Facebook friend.

I am Powered by Orgasm.

Day 93 of 100 days of blogging

 I used to connect the word orgasm to the act of climax during intercourse. As I have been exploring the power of orgasm as an energy over the last year, I have found that I like this definition better.

Orgasm:  A similar point of intensity of emotional excitement.

It describes the energy that pulses through me when I am excited about living life. Excited about being free to be me. Excited because I feel a wide range of emotions. Excited because I am in the flow of orgasm.

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

...fueled me to leave my first husband and break free of old beliefs and patterning and find my voice.

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

...inspired me to home school my children with creativity and adventure.
It is the Power of Orgasm that:

...compelled me to go to 78 Jonas Brothers concerts in 2 1/2 years with my teenage daughter.

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

...moved me to host 44 internet radio shows in 45 days when I had never hosted a radio show before.

It is the Power of Orgasm that:

...pulsed through me to start the organization Heal My Voice.

"Orgasm" to me is a superpower energy that encourages me to say, "YES!", that pushes me into the world, that inspires me with the juice in my desire to experience as much as I possibly can while I am living life!

I AM POWERED BY ORGASM

Drop Out, Unplug and Enjoy by Ann Quasman, Guest Blogger

Day 92 of 100 days of Blogging

Guest Blogger FRIDAY!

Drop Out, Unplug and Enjoy

By Ann Quasman

For the past several years, I’ve been on vacation and it’s always nice to get away.  But, one part of me never went on vacation. The autopilot part of me that still needed to get work done and take care of business – even if I was several states away, and had people lined up to take care of the most important things – the had-to-do “stuff” that needed to get done.

So often, after a full day of playing, seeing things, doing nothing…. you know, vacation “stuff”, I would stay up late at night doing work “stuff”.  What’s wrong with this picture? 

Well for one thing, I was on vacation.  For another, in the grand scheme of things, would it really make a difference if I slowed down for a week or two?  I think not.

This wisdom of realizing that it’s really ok to slow down has not been fast coming for me.  I dream about it.  I drool about it.  I even scoff when I see many men and women on vacation with a cell phone glued to their ears – obviously in touch with the office.

But who am I to scoff?  It’s taken at least four decades (assuming I did not have this disease when I was a child or teenager) for me to say, “Whooaaaa.”  I am sure that a psychologist would have a good time with me and pinpoint the root of it all.  Perhaps something in my pre-natal development.

But, I don’t need that analysis any more because some light bulb went off about a month before this last vacation.  Some voice from somewhere said, “TAKE A REAL VACATION.”  And, it was LOUD.  That’s why I used capital letters.

So, I did.  I must admit there were some feelings of guilt and shame that popped up that first day or two.  But, I got on my bicycle and road.  I road long and hard, ate great food, took long naps, laughed a lot, and soaked up the incredible beauty of Vermont.  And, it was good.  Real good.

Guess what?  My little world had not fallen apart or been flushed down the toilet while I was gone.  Now, I did have twenty gazillion emails to buzz through when I returned.  A small price to pay for a REAL vacation.

I urge you… if you have the “must get work done at all costs” disease, try to do something about it now.  Don’t wait until you’re a “more mature” woman like me.  Get your work done during your work time.  When you go on vacation… go on vacation.  When you need some down time… make space for it.

You’ll be amazed at what blossoms within you when you do.

Would love to hear how you “get away” – really get away and take care of yourself.

*****

Ann Quasman is a woman on a mission. Her goal is to encourage and facilitate conscious conversations that will help women connect with and rely upon the wisdom within their hearts as much as they do the wisdom within their minds. As host of WomanTalk Live Radio on Talkradio 680 WCBM Baltimore and the Creator of Conscious Conversations Café, Ann brings women everywhere deeper into topics that both inspire and inform and she provides women a platform to share their voices and be heard.  Ann’s mantra is, “I’m available.”  She knows that when you say those words and mean it, magic happens.

(web)                  http://womantalklive.com/ 

LinkedIn Profile:  http://www.linkedin.com/in/annquasman

Twitter:               https://twitter.com/annq

Facebook Page:   https://www.facebook.com/AnnQuasmanWomanTalkLive 

Pinterest:            http://pinterest.com/annquasman/ 

12 Peace Prayers: #7 The Shinto Prayer for Peace

Day 91 of 100 days of Blogging As the Authors of Heal My Voice are writing their stories for the next book: Harmonic Voices: True Stories by Women on the Path to Peace, I was inspired to post 12 Peace Prayers and a little bit of the history from an event in 1986 in Assisi, Italy.  The 7th Prayer for Peace:   THE SHINTO PRAYER FOR PEACE    "Although the people living across the ocean surrounding us, I believe, are all our brothers and sisters, why are there constant troubles in this world? Why do winds and waves rise in the ocean surrounding us? I only earnestly wish that the wind will soon puff away all the clouds which are hanging over the tops of the mountains."  From the website: The Peace Abbey traces its roots to the Day of Prayer for World Peace which took place in Assisi, Italy during the UN International Year of Peace, 1986. For the first time in history, the leaders of the twelve major religions gathered to pray for Peace of Earth. The event took place on sacred ground at the Basilica of Saint Francis, and was the occasion for the handing down of the prayers for peace. The Sacred Office of Peace, which these prayers comprise, is the text around which we established and maintain our fellowship as well as pursue our global peacemaking.

The Peace Abbey at Strawberry Fields Two North Main Street, Sherborn, Massachusetts 01770

Consciously Choosing: The Opportunity to Heal

Day 90 of 100 days of blogging

Realize that today you and I have been given the greatest gift of life and that is choice. We get to choose how we will be with what's happening. We get to choose whether we will grow. We get to choose whether we will give. ~Mary Morrissey

A few months ago I met a man at a community party at my house. A potluck with dance music and conversation. From the minute I met him, something went zing in my solar plexus. Although our lifestyles and interests were very different there was something pulling me towards him for exploration. I was curious and I noticed by his body language and how he hovered around me all night that he must be feeling something similar.

Last week I had a chance to spend more time with him talking and what I noticed was how much he...alright, I am just going to say it...how much he pissed me off. Seriously...he annoyed and angered and frustrated me over and over. He also intrigued me with his confidence and clarity about what he liked and didn't like in life.

So, what was going on? 

“Every situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity to heal.” ~ A Course in Miracles

The next day I had an opportunity to walk with him on the beach and talk and listen. After a leisurely stroll we sat down and in ten minutes I had the beginning of an AHA that would deepen, as I walked away to process the next steps by myself.

I could see how he embodied so many men from my past. I saw glimpses of the first guy I had sex with and felt the pain of disconnection and belittling. I saw elements of both of my husbands and my father. I saw a glimpse of a business partner from last year. I saw a guy from college who I fell head over heels in love with (or was it lust?), only to find out that he was using me to try to make an ex-girlfriend jealous. All of these men were a part of something unresolved in my past and connected with something that is a story about issues with men.

In that short conversation, I saw this opportunity to heal. In his words, I felt how different men and women can be in the way they process information in their brains. I saw how I could empower myself with forgiveness and love and acceptance and understanding.

Every night for the last week, I lay in bed first thinking about the man on the beach. Recalling a moment in the conversation and asking to be shown how I can transform the feelings. Every night a different man from my past has emerged. I have allowed myself to feel all of the feelings and then to bring in love. First I feel the sadness, the anger, the hurt, the jealousy, the old patterning and desire to be loved and seen.

I imagine a golden light entering the top of my head. Warm, bright, expansive. I receive it into every cell of my body including my heart and then I radiate it out to the man who is present in my thoughts. I bring in love and I thank him for being in my life, for teaching me something about myself, for giving me the opportunity to connect to my personal power and my voice.

I feel myself connected to the men at different ages. I radiate love to myself.

Sometimes I use the Ho'oponopono prayer:

"I'm sorry
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you."

I repeat it over and over until I feel my body completely relax and I feel the love pouring out of me.

I am immersing myself in this healing. Every day I see men who are gentle, caring, strong, connected, wise, vulnerable, funny, giving, receiving and I know that the inner work I am doing at night is attracting a different type of man into my life. 

I am grateful for all of the feelings stirred up by the man at the community party. I see him as a gift. A wise teacher who appeared at the time I needed to connect, at the time I needed to see the old wounding and at a time when he could show up in this role. 

I send him love and deep gratitude...

A Memory of the Jonas Brothers: I'm Burnin' Up for You Baby

Day 89 of 100 days of blogging

Listening to Pandora.com this morning, the shuffle linked me to a Jonas Brothers song that I hadn't heard in a year or two.

Burning Up was the featured song and name of a concert tour that my 16 year old daughter, Hannah and I saw 45 times during the summer of 2009. That summer I drove 24,000 miles in 11 weeks weaving back and forth across the United States of America and Canada for an adventure of a lifetime. For me, it was also a "Hero's Journey," and a "Dark Night of the Soul" experience. A summer of deep questioning and listening and releasing of physical, emotional and mental clutter.

I was compelled from the inside out to go for it! Day and night. Night and day. When we started out we had enough money for three concerts. We lived on the edge financially and it forced us to look for resources and support in a new way. Unexpected jobs came that we could do on the road. A loan from a relative and a friend. Free housing, tickets and food. Out of the box thinking.

The timing had seemed so perfect when this began because my house was for sale and we had a buyer. It would be a rent free summer and a time to plan our next steps in life. Right before the trip, the buyer lost her job and the financing to buy the house fell through.  I was left with the decision to step off the cliff or close the door. Would we stay or would we go?

As soon as I heard the opening chords of the song this morning, my body started tingling with excitement. I could feel my heart opening. The anticipation of a new adventure. A feeling of freedom. An experience where every day was filled with challenges that cracked me open to be more of who I really am.

That summer catapulted me forward to move from Maryland to California with my daughter and two cats. It led to a year of youth hostels, sleeping on couches, extended stay hotels, sublet apt spaces and living in uncertainty and trust.

The song this morning was a touch stone that reminded me to embrace unlimited thinking. To open to infinite possibilities. To step through the next door without hesitation.

I can feel the rumblings of an adventure waiting for me.

I am Ready!

Bring it on!

I'm Burning Up for you Baby...

I Am What I Am...the Journey of Life

Day 88 of 100 days of blogging

I feel like I just got kicked in the stomach. My youngest daughter called and left a message on my phone. Her car was parked on the street in front of her apartment and was rear ended by a hit and run driver last night. She is in college in California and living on her own. Her car insurance has a $1,000 deductible. Hard to tell what the damage is and if it is worth fixing.

This is a mess!

For the last week, I have been working on the East Coast. Developing leadership in Heal My Voice. Listening to the words of women. Editing stories. Attending a baby shower for my oldest daughter. Leaping to the next level...

At this moment:

*I feel discouraged. Defeated. One step forward and two steps back.
*I feel like I am a bad mother.
*I feel I should be in California living with my daughter instead of living on my own and traveling back and forth to the East Coast to work with women at the Chrysalis House.
*I feel like my priorities are messed up and I should be more available to my adult daughters.
*I feel that I should have...

Actually... this is bullshit.

The truth is:

*My daughter wasn't in the car and she is safe.
*She has a bike to ride to school.
*She has the money to get the car fixed, if she chooses to do that.

*I believe in the power of my daughter to figure this out.
*I believe in the power and strength of my daughter to learn and grow from this experience.
*I believe that she will survive and thrive and bloom.
*I believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be doing the work that I feel called to do.

*I do not want to live my daughter's life for her.

There is an old story I can tell myself about all of the choices I have made in my life:

*I have no regrets that I home schooled my children instead of building a career.
*I have no regrets that I started Heal My Voice and have devoted my life to a mission of empowering women to heal and lead.
*I have no regrets that I divorced my first husband and gave up the security of his income.
*I have no regrets about the choices...

I AM WHAT I AM...

12 Peace Prayers: #6 THE BAHAI' PRAYER FOR PEACE

Day 87 of 100 days of Blogging As the Authors of Heal My Voice are writing their stories for the next book: Harmonic Voices: True Stories by Women on the Path to Peace, I was inspired to post 12 Peace Prayers and a little bit of the history from an event in 1986 in Assisi, Italy.  The 6th Prayer of Peace. The Bahai' Prayer for Peace  6. THE BAHAI' PRAYER FOR PEACE   Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be fair in thy judgement, and guarded in thy speech. Be a lamp unto those who walk in darkness, and a home to the stranger. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be a breath of life to the body of humankind, a dew to the soil of the human heart, and a fruit upon the tree of humility. From the website: The Peace Abbey traces its roots to the Day of Prayer for World Peace which took place in Assisi, Italy during the UN International Year of Peace, 1986. For the first time in history, the leaders of the twelve major religions gathered to pray for Peace of Earth. The event took place on sacred ground at the Basilica of Saint Francis, and was the occasion for the handing down of the prayers for peace. The Sacred Office of Peace, which these prayers comprise, is the text around which we established and maintain our fellowship as well as pursue our global peacemaking.

The Peace Abbey at Strawberry Fields Two North Main Street, Sherborn, Massachusetts 01770

TECHNOLOGY: Inspired by a Granddaughter

Day 86 of 100 days of Blogging

I am going to be a grandmother within the next few weeks. One of the presents I bought for my granddaughter is a book called Flat Grandma. The book shows the relationship between grandmother and granddaughter through SKYPE. You see, she is going to be born in NYC and I live in California.

I was greatly influenced by both of my grandmothers. And even though I only saw them once every year or two, the things I heard them say and what I saw them do impacted many of the choices I have made in my life. Including living in California.

I've wondered some times about the things I missed. Watching the relationships they had with my grandfather's (their husbands) and their friends. Everything felt crammed into a short amount of time. I want to have more time with my granddaughter. I want to pop in and read her a story and share ideas.

And as much as I want to connect and share myself with her, I want to be inspired and influenced by her. I want to see her latest creation, to listen to her read to me, to hear her perspective on the world around her. I want to remind myself every minute of every day that the actions I take and the choices I make are creating a world for my granddaughter.

iPhone Facetime, SKYPE, Groupme Applications, Instagram, Facebook and more!

Welcome to planet Earth, dear One! I am prepared with technology and ready for your arrival!

Any other technology grandparents here?

Our Memories: Random Numbers

Day 85 of 100 days of Blogging

I was in the shower the other day when random thoughts began cascading from the water into my brain.

The social security numbers of my two husbands popped into my mind. The husband I divorced in 1987 and the husband who died in 2005.  So much for losing our memory as we age. How random is that?

I started to think about numbers.

Is it repetition? Is it the age at which we first memorized the number?

My phone number in Dallas, Texas when I was in the 3rd grade: DI8-7998.

House numbers: 8129 Bullneck Road. The first house I bought.

Birthdates.  Phone numbers of friends from before we had cell phones. My first personal growth seminar.

Random numbers.

Are you a number person? Post in the comments and tell me what you think.

New Beginnings by Nancy Kobel, Guest Blogger

Day 84 of 100 days of Blogging

GUEST Blogger, Friday

New Beginnings by Nancy Kobel

Wake up, our ship has been ice-bound long enough, the time has come to sail the open seas. ~ Rumi

I could see it so clearly in my mind’s eye:  a beautiful garden, rich with colors that expanded beyond the horizon.   I was standing at the entrance of the garden, ready, with an open heart (and a little bit of anxiety) to embrace the journey.   It wasn’t an easy road to get to this garden, to have the garden gate behind me.  There were a lot of tears, a lot of pain, a lot of challenges, a lot of courage, a lot of prayers, a lot of healing and a lot of help and support along the way.  Paulo Coelho’s quote in the introduction to The Alchemist, writes:  “the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey.”

The path in front of me is purely my own and the garden represents new beginnings in so many ways, so many possibilities of my future.  I glance behind and am amazed at my journey, some of the tears and pain feel like such a distant memory yet I know how much my past makes this vision that much sweeter.  

In the present, I have to admit, I was a little nervous with the start of this week.   Transitioning from the gift of being able to play in the world of ‘being’ for 3 months to a more structured work opportunity and the start of school and activities for my kids.  I really enjoyed the freedom of being, it was challenging to embrace after leaving the corporate world in May.   I had to talk myself out of the desire to have an extensive checklist of things to do and be kind to myself if I didn’t get everything done.  I had to revisit my own values and determine what was truly important to me and start making decisions about how I spent my time based on those values.  Having the time was a gift and gave me the opportunity to dive deep into where I was holding myself back from living an abundant life.  

I thought I had this abundance going really well – so many things were flowing my way, a work opportunity that seemed ideal, new clients, an amazing vacation in August, the completion of 2 certifications, an amazing class with an awesome coach and time to truly enjoy my children and the activities in their life without stress (and more).  I was full of amazement and gratitude as I continued to work and move forward.  

Boom – It was as if the universe, God, needed to get my attention and everything that was coming my way ended up in the land of ambiguity – the clients, the work opportunity, the vacation all ended up in chaos and uncertainty.   It turns out my ‘ask’ button was broken…or stuck from non-use.  I was on a coaching call – “does anyone have any questions?”  Nothing, my mind was completely blank, and I tried to think of a question but still nothing.  I couldn’t come up with anything yet I so wanted to talk -- this was a stretch for me and one I wanted to tackle.   “Ask if you need help.”  Asking God, the universe, the angels, Mary, etc., was easy as my trust in the support of the higher realms was firm and unshakable.  I knew it was always there, that I was never alone.  Asking people was a whole new territory and one I needed to start playing in more, one that would open me up to deeper connections, vulnerability and more challenges (and joy) along the way.  We weren’t meant to travel this journey alone, without help.  Giving and Receiving is a dance for both the giver and the receiver.  It is not one sided.  What a gift it is to allow another to give and graciously receive.  We need to be open to asking and open to receiving, especially if we are constantly giving and giving and giving.   We know the joy in giving but do we know the joy in receiving?   I know I am not alone in this mindset of being strong, independent, responsible, doing everything myself while giving everything I have, thinking I am not worthy to receive help, to receive love, to receive what I need and desire.  I am excited to release that belief and see what is ahead.  It has been new territory and I may falter along the way but I am ready to continue playing more with the feminine energy of receiving in balance with the masculine energy of giving.   I have been out of balance for far too long…       

“Put me in Coach – I am ready to Play!”

Nancy Kobel, CPC, ELI-MP

Nancy is founder and CEO of Leader Inspired.  She is a certified professional life and leadership coach and a certified Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, speaker, author and workshop facilitator.  She is trained through the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and is passionate about helping women who feel stuck in the ‘shoulds’,  discover their true gifts,  release what is holding them back and reclaim their feminine power,  so they can lead a life they love.  She has spent over 20+ years in the corporate world, with a background in leadership development (and engineering) and is a contributing author in HMV: Inspired Voices and part of the HMV:  Feminine Leadership project.  She is looking forward to speaking at the On Purpose Woman Conference in September, her topic:  “Reclaim your Tiara”.     

www.Leaderinspired.com

https://www.facebook.com/LeaderInspired

www.linkedin.com/pub/nancy-kobel/b/912/b40/

www.OnPurposeWomanConference.com

The Adventure of the Airport and Travel

Day 83 of 100 days of Blogging


Two of my housemates drove me to the airport yesterday. Big hugs and kisses. Well wishes of "safe travel" and "see you soon." I love that kind of send off and I love picking people up from the airport, too. Hearing the first words about their trip and how they are feeling.

Even with the long line to check-in at Southwest with the holiday weekend approaching, I could feel my heart fluttering with excitement and anticipation. There is something about the airport that always fills me with joy. The hustle and bustle. Watching people arriving. Noticing moments like children with teddy bear backpacks and little suitcases on wheels. Watching people go through the security checkpoints, like the woman yesterday who had a bottle of Jack Daniels in her bag shrugging her shoulders in resignation when she had to let it go and the man who untied his sneakers and walked very carefully through the queue without stepping on them and tripping. Watching people just tickles me. We are all so precious!

My smile just kept getting bigger and bigger as I walked to Gate 11, radiating joy and sharing it with everyone who checked my bag and ticket; every person I bought food and drink from for the 7 hour plane ride; every person I passed that would make eye contact. I love it!

How about you?

Is there a place where you get filled up with joy and then send it back out into the world?

12 Peace Prayers: #5 The Sikh Prayer for Peace

Day 82 of 100 days of Blogging As the Authors of Heal My Voice are writing their stories for the next book: Harmonic Voices: True Stories by Women on the Path to Peace, I was inspired to post 12 Peace Prayers and a little bit of the history from an event in 1986 in Assisi, Italy.  Today is the Fifth prayer: The Sikh Prayer of Peace. 5. THE SIKH PRAYER FOR PEACE   "God adjudges us according to our deeds, not the coat that we wear: that Truth is above everything, but higher still is truthful living. "Know that we attaineth God when we loveth, and only that victory endures in consequence of which no one is defeated."  From the website: The Peace Abbey traces its roots to the Day of Prayer for World Peace which took place in Assisi, Italy during the UN International Year of Peace, 1986. For the first time in history, the leaders of the twelve major religions gathered to pray for Peace of Earth. The event took place on sacred ground at the Basilica of Saint Francis, and was the occasion for the handing down of the prayers for peace. The Sacred Office of Peace, which these prayers comprise, is the text around which we established and maintain our fellowship as well as pursue our global peacemaking.

An Exploration of Anger

Day 81 of 100 Days of Blogging

Ugh! Here it comes again.

Someone confronting me about my disconnection from anger.

One of my housemates talked about how solid my heart is and how he can feel me but there is something underneath that I am not expressing. He called it anger.

I find myself wanting to "do" something with that and yet, I am afraid of it. It feels too big. It feels like I will destroy someone or something. It feels like no one can handle my anger. It feels like anger hurts people and there is no recovery.

This morning Erik talked about how disconnecting from my anger, disconnects me from people. It shuts down the dark side of me.

I feel safe with Erik and I feel like I can sink in to explore this. He is encouraging people in the house to look for moments when they sense I am angry and to do things to pull that out of me.

This is so freakin' scary! What if they stop speaking to me? What if they don't like me? What if they kick me out of the house? What if, what if, what if?

This is fresh and raw and vulnerable and unfiltered and unprocessed. It feels messy and good.

What?!?!?!?

Did I just write good?

Okay, I'm diving in. Let's see where this goes.

I know one thing...it is connected to my power and keeping a lid on anger is limiting my power.

What is your current relationship to anger?

Post in the comments and let's get this party started. 

 

Be Who You Are ALL the Time

Day 80 of 100 days of Blogging

I saw this photo and inspiration on Ginny Robertson's Facebook Page this morning:

Many years ago, I was in the middle of a messy divorce. There were so many lies being told about me, including that I didn't want to be a mother and that I was crazy for wanting to divorce my husband. Some of the "proof" was when I moved out of my house without my children (I was setting up a household in a rented house) and I learned how to read tarot cards and wore quartz crystal earrings. Another "proof" of my insanity.

In my distress, I shared this with my supervisor at work. He listened and then one day calmly told me:

Be the person you are and let that shine through in everything you do. It doesn't matter what other people tell your children about you now. Keep being the person you are and one day, they will see and know the truth.

From that day forward, I lived as authentically as I possibly could with the highest integrity. Not perfection. I live life raw and real. I strive for authenticity.

It hasn't always been easy. It can be hard to hear the lies and I haven't always handled it with the highest integrity.

When I slip off and down into a space I regret, then as quickly as possible I make amends, move forward, and do better the next time.

Twenty-five years later, I have a built a real relationship with my adult daughters. We love each other. We see each other. We agree and disagree and continue to evolve our relationship.

Best advice I ever received. Thank you Jim Onaitis.

Honoring Your Feelings

Day 79 of 100 Days of Blogging

I have a new practice.

Recently, I found myself in a flow of adjustments throughout the day. After traveling for three weeks, I arrived back to my community house with bed and work location changes happening. More guests were staying in the house than usual. So, where I was sleeping, where I was working kept changing and one person moved out and three people were moving in.

It went on like this for five days. I slept in a different bed every night. I walked throughout the house to find a quiet place to lead Heal My Voice phone calls and that changed with each phone call.

Until one day, I realized that underneath my yes, sure, going with the flow, "I can share a room with anyone"...I became aware of a feeling of sadness. I was about to push it down and not feel it and adjust, but something inside of me said, "Stop. Feel. Say it out loud."

This inspired me to start a new practice: Take a moment throughout the day to see how I am feeling. To acknowledge the feelings that are under the desire to flow with change and to give my desires and feelings a voice. It may not change the direction of where I am flowing next. The practice is a commitment to feel and communicate. No more stuffing or being the person who flows so easily without a voice.

"How am I feeling" is the question and then a moment or two or more to honor it all.


                                                                   *****

Three years ago, I wrote an article where I talked about honoring the feelings in grieving. All change involves loss. You let go of one thing to open to another. Even the loss of a roommate and the gain of a roommate you are excited to get to know is a change of loss and gain.

Honoring Your Feelings

Originally written in summer of 2010:

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet. ~Bob Dylan

The quote from Bob Dylan reminds me of the most important step in grieving, honoring your feelings. You can stand in the rain and get wet or you can let the rain into your heart and soul. Your feelings are there for a reason. Whatever event has opened the door to grief, the loss of a loved one; a health challenge; the loss of a job or the loss of a dream; there is a gift in grieving.

The gift is in the feelings and they deserve respect. Feelings can be anger, sadness, disappointment, hurt, shock, betrayal and even relief. Why is it so important to feel the feelings? When you can feel and grieve, you open your heart to experience more love, joy and happiness.

In the Art of Loving, the author, Erich Fromm said, "To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness."
In other words, by detaching from the feelings around grief we place our heart in a box. Nothing can touch it. We cannot feel the pain and we cannot feel love. The gift of grieving is the ability to go deeply within ourselves and to open our heart to feel more emotion. Ultimately that leads us to feel more joy.

The greatest gifts in my life have been the moments when I loved so deeply that I felt like my heart was breaking. The truth is that the heart muscle was being stretched and expanded in this moment of pain. There is a gift in the ability to love and feel all the feelings.

My son, Cooper was born with a congenital heart defect. He had an absent pulmonary valve and an enlarged lung. After his first open heart surgery at the age of two weeks old, the doctor told my husband and me that he might not make it through the night.

As I looked at my little boy in an infant bed I knew that I loved him more than I had ever loved before. In the pain of the thought of losing him, my heart expanded to be with him and love him. With tears streaming down my face, I told my son that no matter what he chose, life or death, I would be by his side. I told him that if he wanted to fight for his life, I would be with him every step of the way. And if living was too hard and he wanted to die I would still love him with all of my heart. My heart expanded to love him unconditionally. Five minutes later the nurse told me his vital signs were improving. In this moment, he had chosen life.

For 19 months, I loved my son for who he was through two open-heart surgeries, shunt and hernia operations. I threw away the developmental books that told me who he should be at a certain age and I loved him unconditionally for who he was. Ultimately, he died from a 4th stage neuroblastoma cancer. In my heart I knew that he had completed his mission in life and had made the decision to let go and die.

He was one of the greatest teachers in my life. One big lesson was to love people for who they are and let go of trying to change anyone. Grieving the loss and feeling all of the emotions opened my heart to love everyone in my life deeply.

When you open your heart to grieve, you open your heart to love.